From the Desk of Enchantedflutes

2012

2012-02-09T23:01:00.000-08:00

So I looked at the blog and realized that besides one post I didn't post at all on 2011. It was a remarkable year but it was very busy and there was certainly no time for blogging. More of 2011 later.

I'm writing now to express something and get it off my chest just because I can't keep it inside anymore. I hate homophobia and I hate the fact that people so close to me are homophobic. That is like hating me and its hard for me to look at them straight in the face. Its hard for me to hang out with them and to have anything to do with them because I just can't stand their homophobia. I guess it doesn't come out towards me but it hurts all the same, it hurts to know. I'd rather have been kept in the dark. Its even harder because I'm used to expressing all this on Facebook and now I can't because of a combination of reputation and because they would read it. I'm just not used to having it hit this close to home and I guess I'm a little bit shell shocked about the whole thing. I just don't understand racism and homophobia. I guess everyone has a reason to hate other people but it still hurts. I thought I was above it but sadly, I'm not. I guess I've been living a charmed life with people that are really accepting of me and others. I also realize that may be why people ditched me so much in college or before was because of a variety of factors. I never thought of myself as anyone else but me and I'm just not used to hearing it and knowing about it.

I hate being different and sometimes I hate being me especially with people I have to work and interact with. I look forward to the day when I'll be accepted for who and what I am. What's even more stupid is that when I'm rich and famous and doing things and I rule the world of media they will want to be near me. All of a sudden my preclusions won't be a problem if it gets them a job or anything else. I don't know if I even want to talk to them then. Right now, I need to do things that add to my life and things that build up my dreams despite them. I need to move and shake for me, make connections for me, and do things that add things to where I want to go not try to do things for other people or hope that they will take care of me. I need to build my base and create awesomeness for myself and not depend on other people. I need to use people for things that get me to where I need to go and move on from there. I can say I've never felt like this before ever in my life and I don't know what to do with these feelings other than to capitalize on them and not live in my own head.

There are so many things swirling about, so many opportunites, so many chances to finally make it for myself. I feel better already in my own small way.

Figuring out life

2011-01-24T01:53:00.000-08:00

Its been several months since I last posted and alot has happened and I've learned alot since then. I've had time to rehab 2010 and I've been to the hospital twice. Besides the health crisis I've learned so much about the world and myself. 2011 holds a great deal of promise.

The Court

I left the court, couldn't take it anymore, enough said. I'm so tired of the users and tired of the pain. I was paying for people to eat drink and be merry as my expense. I dont need user friends. They cost too much in more ways than one.

Post-magazine, post-job, post-school

I got back into school thank god but I spent three months broke, sleeping, eat very little and trying to figure out what was wrong with my life.

2010 a year of lessons learned

I learned alot in 2010 like staying away from drama, and those kind of people and how to survive with no addictions. From drugs, to alcohol, to shopping, and food, all the addictions are over. I'm spending alot less money, I'm being wiser with my purchases and shopping has lost its appeal. I think I'm finally ready to have money in the bank. Money no longer burns a hole in my pocket. I'm on track to pay bills and everything, on-time and on point. Business was really slow for awhile but things are finally picking up for me. I learned to stay away from using people and to stay away from people that don't help me. I also learned how to not pay other people a great deal of mind. I also learned that I need off time and workout time to do everything that I can do and that its ok for me to step away from my work. I realized that if you work is your life you're not really having a life, you're working and thats not healthy.

Picklehelm Productions

I've started a new project called Picklehelm Productions. We've grown from a company that produces a cartoon to a Media city state in no time at all. I'm so excited and everything is coming together so easily. I think this project is the one.

Education

I'm wrapping up my Masters degree and I'm applying to PhD programs. I'm glad that I'm back in the saddle and working on wrapping up my education and maybe moving on. I am ready to get this degree done.

Rejection

I've been getting alot of rejection lately especially when working on the PhD thing. Its been hard for me to get recommendations and I've even got letters explaining why they aren't recommending me. Its been nothing negative but I don't understand why the rejection. I asked a guy out today and he said no because I asked him by text. Its a tough new thing for me but I'm standing up to it better.

Ive become the people my mother warned me about

2010-09-29T00:05:00.000-07:00

LOL, so I realized tonight as I chill in the fashionable Fort Collins coffee shop the Alley Cat, a popular CSU student hang out, that I've become what I always ridiculed and who my mother warned me about.....the post graduate flop. I've been out of college for about a year now, tried the grad school thing, failed miserably and now I'm barely running my business and I'm hanging out in student coffee shops because I turn on at about 11.

I'm a guy out of college still acting like I'm in college and living the college lifestyle.

I've become that guy! Yes, him you've seen him everywhere the guy who hangs out in all the college locales in the college town. Some of them seem like their still in college, others of them look visibly too old and too ruffled to have darkened the door of a classroom in years. They have all the college student characteristics, scrapping by financially, keeping late hours, taking advantage of every happy hour and dollar pizza spot in town.

Oh yes, I'm now that guy...How the mighty have fallen down.....oh so far....

My Life, a worthless endeavour

2010-09-23T18:01:00.000-07:00

So its been months since I've bothered to post to this blog mostly because I had been a successful working person, but now my life has deteriorated to nothingness and I'm driven to start writing here again, afterall, what else am I going to do?

So I got axed from the magazine and I got expelled from the Master's program in one week. Its been a week since it all went down. I'm in deep depression. I have no idea what to do with my life and my life is trully a wasteland.

I've been accused of so much, I've taken so much on myself and I'm just depressed in the worst way. Business is busy and bad all at the same time. I dont want to do anything and my therapist wants me to move back in with my parents and get a jack off job. But I dont want to do that because invariably all I do when I'm working retail or something is to just work and sleep because it takes alot out of me. I dont have time to pursue my dreams or much of anything else and then I'll just get stuck like in clerks or worst and I'll end up a 65 old retiree in Florida, old and alone.

The forecast is bleak. I was meant to live a life of excitement and success not one stuck behind a register while everyone else goes out and does important things.

Jess wants me to be a lawyer again. Something important that makes money. Whats a lawyer tho? They aren't anything.....they don't do anything other than fuck with people's lives. I don't want to screw people over or do much of anything. I just want to live my life and do things that matter.

2.5 months, So much as happened, but so depressing at the same time

2010-06-28T03:09:00.000-07:00

Ah, I need to lose weight, I need to make more money, I need to do important things that matter. Reading on Facebook all the people who surround themselves with their relationships, their people, their Greek lives, music, or other mental drugs just make me want to cry. Somehow, I didn't quite envision life being this way. I wanted to do important things that mattered and it seems like I'm relegated to nothingness. Just a two-bit magazine editor, a upstart producer and manager for a friends music career (he will go places, trust and believe) and owner of a fledgling porn company. Its all very difficult.

I remember when I had confidence. It was before I met Jessie Jacobs. After that I realized I was just a peon, worthless and meaningless with no hope of getting anywhere. Its all very tiring to me anyway. I'm trying to get stuff done, get ahead, make it somewhere, or do something. But it all seems pointless. I'm getting nowhere and doing nothing. I guess I can take solace in the fact that I'm trying very hard. But now I get why people drink their lives away or just sit in bars going from place to place doing nothing. Because what does it matter?

I need to get out of Greeley, I need to get new friends, I just need to go somewhere else and start over, anew and afresh in the hopes that I can have a better life.

The life and times

2010-04-13T01:33:00.000-07:00

So its been a couple months since I've written a personal blog post but so much has happened. Sadly the relationships that are being made and broken around here are happening 90 miles an hour. I feel the need more and more to get out of Greeley for awhile. I'm feeling crushed. I felt a little apprehensive about going on vacation at the end of this month but now I look forward to it more and more.

I wonder though, after today, if my years of free living, loose morals, and free spiriting haven't some how jaded me and lowered me down. Somehow perhaps my more tight lipped friends are better than me really. While I have encouraged them to be more like me perhaps in the long run they are better than me and will fair better in life. I don't regret my living but sometimes I regret my words of wisdom to others about what they should and should not do.

On a more pleasant note, a guy named Jack is coming next week to see my from California. He is moving out here and we will probably be boyfriends there after. I'm ready for some good butt sex and I'm ready to feel close to someone, it will be fun in any case.

Our group of friends have expanded to some of Brandon's friends from his ex-girlfriend from their job and elsewhere. Brandon and Amanda finally ended their run as well, it was dramatic of course especially because she immediately shacked up with a guy who left his girlfriend to be with her and then that girl shacked up with another guy in the group so now we have 3 couples, me and Brandon. Meanwhile my friend Abby has shacked up with a friend of mine making for four couples, Jenna has shacked up with Ray making for 5 and if Jack stays in town that will be 6. What is sad is that all this has happened within the last month.

And if that isn't enough I finally put Fiza to the curb. She called the cops on my and Abby's boyfriend so I decided to throw her out. I did it in a grand scale, I just marched over there and bitched her out and then left her. She of course is spreading the word around about me. People talk though....

Papers and Lion and Tigers and Bears oh my!

2010-02-23T20:41:00.000-08:00

Brandon and his girlfriend just left because their stomachs hurt from Dinner. Thats the last time we go to Big City Burrito I might have to have them investigated. Right now I'm working on a paper. More later......Ashley is here....we'll see where this goes.

Up late, can't sleep, life creeping up

2010-01-25T02:38:00.000-08:00

I know that there are some people who still read this journal and I did want to make you aware of my two other blogs: http://cameroncowan.wordpress.com (politics) and http://cameronwrites.wordpress.com (writing and internet marketing).

Its also a great chance for me to get some backlinks

OML is going well, I just sent out a new round of advertising letters. I want to finish the business plan this week so that I can sent out the investor letters, the postage is ready if I can just get the material ready to go.

Adnan project is Adnan's project.

Just crunched money numbers, outlook is bleak. I have to pay joanne something today as I said I would. However, I'm slightly screwed because one of my large projects got pulled last night because apparently he is a fraud. So good I didnt do the work but bad that I'm out the money essentially so its lots of article farms and such for me this week. I have two small projects that will yield around 50 bucks for me. I'm planning on giving forty to the cable and phone today so that I can hang onto those and then on friday I get 60 dollars that goes promptly to rent and putting a little gas on the van which is dry. Fortunately, I dont need to go anywhere anytime soon as I have no money to spend anyway! So it all works out.

I feel lost and listless. I'm just a wreck I just saw I have therapy today which seems so pointles. I can't sleep and I don't see the point of it anyway. I'll just wake up tomorrow with the same problems. I have a filthy house to clean that seems to be getting dirtier by the day. I have a never ending flow of shit to do that never seems to end. Right now I have a headache about a half a mile wide. I might smoke some weed just to get fucked up and sleep.

Anyway, got other things to do in this worthless existence of mine. Peace.

Its been awhile

2010-01-20T00:22:00.000-08:00

Well its been awhile since I've posted really. I pretty sat the holidays out in blogging. But I'm back at it. OML has been busy I'm working on our business plan and I'm working on sending out letters and what not. Adnan has me busy and I have two networking events this week that I'm going to flyers in hand to pass out. I printed about 400 flyers to get around so hopefully they turn into some sales.

Me and luci broke up, my therapist is helping me through it so its not so bad. I don't know what I'd be doing without Charlene. I think she is the only thing holding me back from the Abyss of nothingness. I'm still healing from it all though. She finally got axed from school so she had to move home, it was all very sudden which made it hard for me. The breakup sex was amazing. I have been writing poetry again and that is good, great writing exercise. Some of these might be publishable, more for the poetry book collection. I also get a great reaction from people when I read my work so hopefully that will translate to a reading audience.

The holidays were hellish, I fought with my parents alot and that sucked alot at the same time. I dont think about it. I think next year holidays in a warm location is a good idea.

Long time no talk.

2009-11-21T04:26:00.000-08:00

Lots has been happening around here. I recently wrote this update to my therapist. Therapy has been going well. I think I'm making some kind of progress. I tried of luci's dexadrine for once, the stuff is practically a miracle drug. I was very focused but not loopy or crazy at all. I might need to find a quack to get some. So below is the letter. I can't write long I'm trying to finish this paper for grad program. Hopefully I will pass.

And now the letter:

1. If my buddy brandon talks about dating a mutual friend of ours whom I know is not interested in him and he should know better than to be interested I will scream. She is into really skinny emo guys and he is while skinny not emo. You will recognize the emo guys as those with the tight pants and the long straight hair covering their faces, they usually wear black and sometimes skateboard. However, Brandon has his sights set on her and there seems to be nothing I can do to dissuade him. I couldn't care less at some level I realize that in a group of mixed people there will be romantic feelings and such and I just have to live with it despite the fact it annoys me. Personally I would much rather have a group of friends without all the dating drama that I seem to hear all about despite the fact that I would much rather have a group of friends without all this drama it is a fact of life that I must live with. It could also have to do with the fact that I am attracted to this girl but I just know better. He attributes it to my being jaded about women and my being envious of him going out and getting what he wants; very valid I might add but just not the point. At this point in my life the idea of going around and getting women and trying to fuck all the time just doesn't hold my interest and as he is two years older than me I would hope I wouldn't have to put up with this shit but sadly I do, whats new?

I am a business owner and part owner of three business and I'm busy with a master's, if I didn't have a girlfriend I wouldn't go looking for one for sure. I think this boy needs to get his money right. His job with startek starts today but I have to get his car to the shop and such in addition to all the stuff going on in my life. Hopefully, less time together will make me feel better about the situation all around, hopefully. All the same though his goals are make money, and women, high school called and they want their ideals back.

2. I talked to Jess today, we talked about running for political office and what not. I think she resents the fact that I actually wear and am proud of my sexuality. She always says, "You go around yelling 'bisexual' all the time." I think it has to do more with the fact that she is enmeshed in the same people that know me better than most. I certainly don't yell it in fact I hardly tell anyone. Sometimes people get their own ideas, sometimes they are right and sometimes they are wrong. I don't care. I would run for political office anyway. The point is I'm damn tired of her. I told her that I bought a new couch and that I rearranged the living room today to accommodate it and she coyly said "I see you're decorating, ok." And its always scary when she says things like that.

3. I'm not sure what I am going to do with my time. my money situation is going to improve but between my three business I'm not going to have anytime to spend it. Everything for Arise is squared away and I start class on the 30th. The only thing I need to wrap up is the phone line situation. I tried to do it online but I didnt pass the credit check, not a shock, so now I have to call and plead my case. I am hoping that they will comply with a deposit or something.

4. Well sunday just ended and the third essay is not in and is hardly begun. I am slowly catching up in the school situation. My reading is pretty much caught up so high hopes there. I should be able to turn everything in on-time and hopefully with an accompanying passing grade.

5. I bought a toaster oven, a stand mixer, and a new vaccuum, the first two because I always wanted them and the last one because my old one was not working well at all. The new couch is coming on tuesday and so the carpet underneath it needs to be clean so it can collect dust bunnies later!

6. I've been feeling fairly fatalistic lately about most things. Generally now is a good time to die. I told everyone that if I'm dead that they should come to my house and loot the place clean before my parents arrive. I suppose because I feel especially out of step with things these days. I wish I could be so many things and so many people and so many other things than this path that I am stuck with.

Its Early in the Morning

2009-09-22T03:47:00.001-07:00

As much as I am not a morning person I do love the early part of the morning, especially in the summer when the sun comes up so soon. I am taking a break from the housework. I figured some dishes and some bathroom washing would be a good break from work. I've been cranking out the articles today so hopefully the company will be happy with them. I have four due for IBPUB on wednesday so I will be working on those today. I will see my therapist today in addition to going to the board of health today. I think I will go out to BK for breakfast here soon, I love their sausage sandwiches. I also might hit the Village Inn for some coffee, and a simple breakfast, I'll decide in a few hours. Meanwhile, I started yet another story in my notebook. I need to start transcribing all this stuff. I think I will do that between seminars. My current seminar ends in November and I dont have another until March so I think I will work on that, might be a good thing to do between. I've resigned my submissions until then as well and some things around the house. I have a few things that could use another coat of paint so I figure I will do all that over the break as well. I arranged with Nana to have another stream of money and food coming in until December so that is good. That will give me a chance to save up money and such and get a cycle going. I resent my financial aid paperwork to Norwich so hopefully that situation will get going quickly, hopefully they will go along with my extra loan so that I will have some ready cash. I can barely wait to pay all of this back in a few years, hopefully it will be worth it. Anyway, I should get back to the dishes, I have one more load before they are done for a few days. Then its off to the bathroom and I think I will change the sheets seeing as I won't be using them.

Let's Talk

2009-09-13T04:21:00.000-07:00

So I said that at some point I would dispel rumors, take off a few masks and reveal a few things. Over the past 2-3 years many people would say that I haven't changed one bit. Many thing that I'm self-destructive, I can't achieve anything, or that I'm just the conceited bitch they all know and a selective few love. All of these things are true. Achievement for me is hard, I am arrogant as I am kind, and I do have a self-destructive streak where I just throw it all away.

As far as the rest of me, over the years I have used many facades, personas, and other defense measures to keep people out. Truth be known I don't like people, they usually lead to hurt at some point. But all the same, I can say that everything I have been is true, not genuine, but true. I have not shown my genuine self to anyone. Truthfully, I am not that amazing, captivating, interesting, or anything really that anyone knows me as. Everything about me is true, but let's face it; I have my issues and my demons. I not that great of a person. I'm loud, obnoxious, stubborn, bull headed, I know what I know and I don't tolerate ignorance or stupidity, and generally not that pleasant to hang around. All I did was figure out that if I wanted to have people around I need to make some heavy modifications. I needed to re-package myself into something I thought people would accept and along the way I lost myself. That lead to drug use and suicidal thoughts.

I am writing this because I am tired of people talking behind my back, talking smack, making lies, and passing around rumors. If the point was to somehow reduce me down to size, that is unnecessary because I am here now doing it for them. I am showing my true self. I am not that amazing, I'm just a regular Cameron. I am who I am and from now on, you are going to get me raw and uncut and if you don't like what you see then I don't need you around.

Harsh I know, but I'm unapologetic, for once I'm being myself.

C

Long time

2009-09-03T01:06:00.000-07:00

So I realized that its been a long time since I've written on this blog. I've been trying to get my poltical blog going. As of late I havent been working on that much either. Its been hard for me to write sometimes I think. I am trying to write more but sometimes my friends don't let me write as much as I want to and I have to sleep sadly. I am going to try and improve on that but my intense grad program starts here soon as well so that must be thought of as well.

I've been contemplating doing a note on facebook dispelling all the rumors and lies about me, kind of like a tell all book. No one is really sure of who I am and I have been a contributor to that in my own way. I have sold myself as several things over the years only to realize that I really am nothing and that I'm very empty, just the way it should be. When Grandma died I lost 9/10ths of myself and after PCC I lost the last 10th of existence I owned. I lost self-awareness and I lost my given identity. I have spent the last few years reinventing myself. I always told the truth but I would add details, the famous southern stretch. Some things didn't need stretching but others did and I enjoyed it. I was able to create personas and exciting trendy versions of myself and cast them aside like last year's fashions. So I think I finally need to declare who I am and the fragments of what is left. I think my therapist will enjoy it too. She complains of my many facades.

That day will come, anyway I need to get back to my articles and I'll be seeing a client soon as well.

Interviews, business,

2009-07-25T11:11:00.000-07:00

So I drove to Denver for an interview at 9:45 which means I got up at 6. I arrived at 9:40, right between the times they said to be there and I didnt get interviewed because the group interview had already started. So I was pissed off. I cursed out the little secretary. Fuck them, I'm done. I hurried home and worked hard drumming up new projects. I haven't even worked for corporate America and I'm already done with them.

Business is slow but I think that has something to do with my not working so much over the summer this year. Hopefully when things usually pick up in the fall I will benefit.

Its the Arts Picnic in Greeley this weekend, vendors selling various and sundry wares are out and about in Lincoln Park. I am going to go down and check it out later.

I have some unpacking to do......

C

From a Sow's Ear into a Silk Purse

2009-06-27T00:22:00.001-07:00

My new apartment is almost done. I've outdone myself. I'm really happy and I will be posting pictures soon. It looks like everyone is coming back together in September. That's supposed to be exciting but honestly I can't be bothered with the whole thing. I have my own life now and I'm not down with it including them. I'm really bored with the whole idea. I should be excited but I'm just not.
I bought a new stove this morning so that was exciting. I think I will email the landlord and tell him, so, if you want to keep all this stuff then you'll be needing to take this off my rent. I think he will be happy with all the improvements and hopefully he will like what I've done with the place. I'm rather taken with it. The furniture is amazing and so my new fish, his name is Rupaul because he is red and acts like a diva. My solar lamps shine and all work, they are wonderful.
Let's see, the old crew is coming back together. I'm not very enthused about it at all, but it is what it is. I can't be bothered with my new career life and all but I guess I will do what I can just so long as it doesn't bother me too much.
Luci's brother died, she is pretty torn up but I'm being strong for her.........its hard I'll not lie....
I think that is all for now.

Peace Cameron

All in all I have turned a sow's ear into a silk purse.

Stuff

2009-06-16T01:58:00.001-07:00

Videos from Itunes U suck! They take forever to download and its a rather time consuming proposition! I can’t wait to get to better internet especailly because my arlington net is shut down once more so I’m trying to bounce of unsecured nets. I can’t wait to be out of here. I’m tired of the management and just everything. I desperately need to get some work done, I’ve spent so much time moving and painting that I’m way behind so I need to get cracking on that kind of thing. I saw the shrink today and it was good. She still thinks I’m a wonderful person. She will soon see that I’m just a worthless bastard like the next guy. Luci thinks that I’m delusional but I think both Luci and the shrink have problems. Anyway I need to wrap up some more homework. I’m supposed to go testify for Jody in the morning its almost 3 am and I still haven’t seen a bed yet and I’m trying to do school stuff. I’m doing a research study today in Denver, 100 bucks for 3 days of drinking alcohol sounds like fun. My parents got robbed last friday when I stopped by. My bravery about the whole situation has returned so I’m going to fix the place back up tomorrow and put some dowels in the windows since that is how they got in. All my mom’s jewelry is gone except for ear rings and necklaces, she is pretty devastated. I’m really sad for her. I’m sad that I won’t have those things to remember by or to pass on later in life. All in all, very depressing.

Things coming back together

2009-05-22T01:32:00.001-07:00

So I was in Denver on monday driving my mentor around for her pain management surgery and I went by the state senate and I visited Renee and Lori. They are still there! I heard an interesting story about a gentleman who was unfairly removed from the capital. I’m beginning to get the point about how I speak because when he first mentioned it I jokingly told him to “be good” and I said that generally getting thrown out of buildings isn’t a good idea. He accused me of being prejudice and then proceeded to lecture me on why he didnt want to tell his story because I was pre-judging him. Renee rescued me and that was helpful so I got to hear the story. Speaking of language though Jessica jumped down my throat today---again, about using the phrase “for her age” apparently when you’re talking about a woman’s age in front a woman you just say, “she looks good” and done bother with the age thing. Her reading came in and I just left after that and didn’t bother coming back. I dropped off the copies of my research on the building and that was all I was staying for anyway. Trevor and Erica were there and I don’t suppose they were amused by my mis-step. I always have to be watching what I say around her and I’m so tired of being lectured, jumped on, and getting chased after by her. It is funny though, I worked so hard to tone myself down to fit in with my peers and now I have to punch it back up by dressing better, speaking better, doing everything better. I’m still distancing myself from Jess. Normally after her reading left I would have come back to hang out, but no more. I don’t hang around the shop much anymore. I have my own thing to do and I don’t want to get chewed out all the time. With her its always something I’m doing wrong.

I don’t think that I will run for any office ever. I think my sexuality and my past will only catch up to me and that will make me lose. Very sad. I really wanted to run for city council here soon but it looks like I never will be able to for any office of any kind. I’m going to be reduced to mediocrity.

I have to go to Fort Collins and the state historical archives tomorrow in addition to having dinner with my parents so I have a long day that starts very early. Erica wants to go “Dance Flick” tomorrow as well and I suppose I will go along.

I am going to investigate a website design company I found that is local here in Greeley. I’m going to find out what their rates are and such so I can get my website going.

I wrapped up the financial aid situation today by signing the promissory note so hopefully my money will come soon. I had to take an extra class to expedite things but its all good. They are all easy classes so I should be able to get my GPA up quite well. According to the GPA predictor if I get all As I can get up to a 2.5 and that would be favorable. It will mean that I will still have to take the GRE. I am working on the verbal section right now and its going pretty well. I think I am going to focus my efforts on the math section and then pick a date. If there is a date on my calendar then I will know that I need to be ready as possible. I am hoping that with some studying and know what to expect that my brain can function best as possible.

I have been sleeping alot lately and I think it has to do with the fact I’m taking too much Zyrtec for my allergy shots. I think one pill will do the trick and I can sleep a bit less. Everything is really taking it out of me. I started working out again. I’m going to do three times a week to start and then when my endurance is back up I am going to increase to everyday. When I can no longer go on campus I’m going to get on Aunt Nina’s 24 hour fitness membership as it is my understanding we are soon to have one of those in Greeley.

I think that is all for this issue of my life so far. I have to be up at 7:30 so I have to go.

Life happens now dont it?

2009-04-20T22:16:00.001-07:00

My life never takes the normal course of action and it never seems to quite follow the plan I lay out for it. Once again this statement has proven itself true. I haven’t gotten into any of the grad schools that I applied for and so now I’m shit out of luck. Sadly. So now I have to regroup and try and figure out what I’m going to do. I really have no idea and I’m scrambling. I’m really disillused. My GPA sucks and its beginning to show I’m trying to move and I’m trying to achieve my goals. My parents offer to move home and write is appealing, very appealing right now because I’m ailing and I’m failing. I’m like the ottoman empire I’m the sick man.

The first post of April

2009-04-13T08:42:00.000-07:00

Yes I'm behind, dont complain my people!

Research Day went well I stayed up until 4 and 5 AM for the last week until then but it went well and it was well received and alot of people stopped to ask questions. My parents came up and came to my presentation.

Business has been off of late I've been losing projects and clients right and left and its been problematic. Hopefully things will improve I have alot of things working. I'm beginning to feel the recession slightly, but its not so bad.

I met a girl at the UNC Feminist Alliance and we really hit it off. We had a date of sorts at my house baking stuff for the alliance on Saturday. It was magical. I've been humming "I could have danced all night" for a little bit now. She is wonderful and I'm looking forward to getting to know her. We're gonna have another date on wednesday and I can't wait.

Modern Philosophy is almost over and math is next. I could use a map but I'm driving down to Erie to fetch my check and then I'm mopping the station and I have a job interview today as well so a busy afternoon and certainly no rest for the weary!

Its been a long weekend

2009-03-29T23:44:00.001-07:00

So I’ve been working ultra hard on my research project. I got alot done on it but I’m still ironing out details. Meanwhile I’m way behind on work so I got to get alot done. I’m actually going to try to go both classes tomorrow and then get some work done in AFS office and then finish up the poster boards tomorrow night by a decent hour. April is going to be a long month and its already getting started.

Recent Developments

2009-03-25T23:52:00.001-07:00

So things have been interesting lately in the wild and crazy life of your local everyday Cameron. The van got in that accident while I was taking Ms. Kelly’s headboard around and it is all fixed up. The power steering pump is still leaking but what can be done. Spring Break was good I went to Estes Park with Pagan Open Circle and that was fun if a bit tedious because I was playing 5th wheel for two married couples. The pics are on facebook check them out. I’m working on putting up some book reviews now because of my backlog. Trying to get through things. I need to go by the bank and chase down some people for the SOC report card interviews. According to the reports we’re supposed to get 8-15 inches of snow between now and Friday. That will make driving all sorts of fun. So far it hasnt started but if its a mess in the morning, I wont shocked. Gabby, Janice and Erica just left. What fun. Wish I had some play on any of that. But as Janice said, I’m not the guy black women want so none for me.

Anyhow, I have work to do.

Wonderwall

2009-02-19T15:00:00.000-08:00

This is a great new site!

Books, accidents and such.

2009-02-10T17:33:00.000-08:00

Im so behind, I've havent done a NOCO update in forever, I got in a car accident yesterday and more!

So yesterday while I was trying to get my friends bed frame from the salvation army to her house my front end was side swiped and I lost my bumper. His car was destroyed sadly and all I lost was my bumper and I'm still driveable. I did get the ticket which did not surprise me. But we didnt lose the bed frame and that was important. So the bumper is in my friends garage and I got the license plate off.

I got another book to review today. I think my creative juices are coming back now that I've taken more time for myself and I've been thinking more and recharging my batteries. I had a serious think about a plot the other night and I wrote it down. I am going to look into actually working on it. I'm still working on the Coronado book and I have so more books to review.

So long time....

2009-01-22T13:09:00.000-08:00

I realized that I havent blogged since before Christmas and so its time for an update.

I spent the 500 dollars in gift cards that I got for xmas for clothes and they clothes look great.
School is well underway but I'm not so stressed.

I'm not pledging Alpha, it looks like I wouldnt get the invite since I'm graduating and I don't know enough people and such so thats $515 I can keep. Greek life is impossibly corrupt, they make it so hard to try to get it and frankly it tires me. So I don't have enough phone numbers, that shouldn't matter. Its horrible.

So I'm going to take the money go to my friends wedding, visit my brother, and maybe go with Logan to Europe this summer. I have other plans. Organizations are getting underway soon and I'm working to get the Spark ready to publish in middle of February. I am doing alittle bit with SRC this semester and there is a need for some associate vice presidents so I'm thinking about maybe asking about that.

I need to do some articles on Associated-Content, and I need to do a Northern Colorado update.

Cameron

Trying to get things done

2008-12-24T00:28:00.000-08:00

So I've posted some blogs, made some posts live, and corrected the post 4 days previous to this. I need to take a sociology test and comment on some posts. I've read my Dlisted and now I need to get back to finishing up my sociology and grubbing up some food.....

Why did I try to be a writer?

2008-12-20T18:14:00.000-08:00

Its amazing what I do for money. I've done worse things, I've packed veggies, worked for Target around the holidays, pretty much done it all just to get money. I just ate a dinner composed to 2 month old eggs, even older sausage, some chips and salsa, and my 2nd ot last bottle of mt. dew.

And its not like business has been that horrible either. To my credit business has been great unfortunately for me I just cant hold onto money, its either food, or xmas cards or more its a never ending parade of financial demands, and don't get me started on the credit card situation. Most of my credit cards I've shredded long ago but that debt still haunts me now. Its depressing sometimes. They've really been calling lately too. I just hope they don't sue because then I'll really be in deep shit. I would like to start building my credit back again but I don't think that is going to happen until these fuckers start cycling off in 7 years or I get really rich and I can start paying things off.

Ranting of an idiot I suppose. Erica is going to buy me some food so I can change up the diet situation. She is too good to me.

Anyway, gotta dash, this spreadsheet won't create itself.

The Semester is OVA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1

2008-12-12T22:50:00.000-08:00

The Teddy Bears are well BTW

The semester is OVER!!!!!!!!!! I'm so happy I'm drinking and its great! I'm sitting at home ordering some food and partying it up! I'm so happy to be done done with school! Its great! Best feeling ever! So anyway the last two weeks have been hell I've been in the library working for 7-8 at a time and I think all the studying has paid off! No school no more books!!!!!!!!

Its been a long end of the semester

2008-11-30T23:42:00.000-08:00

So its another late night after the end of break. I took some needed time off even though I spent it sick or working on things. Money has been tight and plentiful at the same time. Its been here spent and gone on necessities and things that I need. Its frustrating most of all. My computer monitor isnt working right now. Its on but won't show a picture so hopefully I'll be able to figure something out.

I have the last week of regular school this week which is fine with me!

I'm working on expanding my writing business I've been dependent on the comings and goings of ifreelance for way too long. So I've expanded to odesk, guru, and elance for the present. I'm also breaking down and making a site for myself that will link together alot of the profiles and crap that I have running around will all link to one location on my site. I can send clients there and backlink blog posts to that as well and start alot of my own self-promotion that way and also link sites that I work for. I'm really excited about it all in all. I'm really glad that I'm moving in this direction for all that it is worth. Business expansion is good! This is a great sign of growth! I also need to increase magazine queries and set some goals for 2009.

I'm working on Ray Walter's campaign right now I'm doing PR and such for them so that is exciting right now and good for the political career.

But I need to get back to work because there is much to do!

In class again, blogging

2008-11-14T13:42:00.000-08:00

Well obviously I've passed out. I'm in class but not paying attention because I'm writing to you. I've calculated that I should be able to get a B or C at worst. I at least will pass once again and keep things moving. I got an A- on my recent philosophy paper so I am happy about that. It means I should get a B or an A in this class and I can use the GPA boost. I didnt miss Colorado Politics this morning as it was canceled! So I'm glad about that. I'll be up-to-date on monday. Hopefully I can catch up on reading this weekend all around. I have ethics bowl tomorrow but I dont know if I am going to go at all.

Shouldn't I be happy?

2008-11-04T21:59:00.000-08:00

So now its President Obama! Hope, Change, Yes we can is now Yes we did! Everyone is elated, happy and more hopefuly than ever before. But somehow on this day of hope and change I cannot joyously enter into it. I voted for Mr. Obama for sure and his campaign strategy was genius but for some reason that I just don't get I can't shake the feeling that something is up. I hope all goes well still.

We have our hope.

We have our change.

And yes, my president is black too. It feels good to be African-American tonight. We finally made it, we finally did it. In 40 years we moved from the steps of a monument to inside the house. Our time has finally come.

I hope we still have a country when we're done.

Depression

2008-10-22T20:12:00.000-07:00

I've just been down on myself lately. I'm not sure if its all that I have to do. I did get alot done today and I got some things arranged. my room is descending into the abyss of messy ness. My roommate is home so I'm chillin' at gaming guild with my buddy Logan and some other acquaintences.

I am looking forward to sleep tonight after a wrap up a few things. I need to eat too, Im looking forward to food, sleep, TLC, some TV and such.

Im in a reflective mood

2008-10-17T23:44:00.000-07:00

Ok so my post today was short, sweet, and to the point. But I was thinking about my romance situation and a magic braid I did at open circle on tuesday. I made the brain about everything I wanted. The first braid of the three pieces of twine I was thinking about love and relationships and then I braided it with a cotton thread and piece of green twine and I was thinking about everything that I wanted.

Its been 10 months, almost a year, and people are beginning to ask questions if I am going to find someone new and I'm sticking to my guns so far about not really pursuing those interests at this time because of my organizations, my writing, and school. Its just too much. And at another point I don't know if my heart is ready just yet to open up like that again. I'm just not sure. I guess its nice to have people interested but I'm not ready to go to bed with anyone and I'm not ready for a new Boo.

In Denver this Weekend

2008-10-17T14:05:00.000-07:00

So I've decided to get the hell out of Greeley this weekend.

The Chill In the Air

2008-10-13T20:13:00.000-07:00

Well fall is here for good now! I'm chillin in the UC right now writing this post and reading the LSAT book looking at all there is to do for SOC and work and everything and just taking some relax time. I think that I might delay some things until tomorrow but I never seem to arise very early on Tuesdays and Thursdays. Even today I arose around 10! I really need to get my ass up earlier in the day to get things done!

Well I suppose I should actually do something. I've wasted a good hour on me. It looks like frost tonight.

c

Google Adsense and such

2008-10-05T20:59:00.000-07:00

So my buddy and brother Logan is in the hospital because his arm is infected from his cat biting him. I hope they can clear that up soon. I haven't gotten a text yet on his progress.

So we had out editorial meeting about the Spark and I have the changes right here. I have been cranking out the articles and the work this weekend as I am trying to wrap up alot of things in preparation for my three tests this week. I'm behind on my studying right now but I am trying to catch up. I've been working on geology alot as that is the test I am most worried about.

I laughed at google adsense because in my last post I said that I loved Logan and now it has dating site ads. Its fun. Speaking of adsense though I need to write about a few more trends to get some more google adsense going for trend hunter. It will be good for the pocket book.

I talked to my Dad today about some opportunities he is not onboard but oh well his loss my gain.

I helped decorate the campus for homecoming we hung ribbon on all the trees all over campus so the school looks its very best. I did it with my friend Chris Hansen and we had alot of fun and talked some SRC smack too. I think our area looks the best out of all. I gotta get back to doing my radio show I've been slacking for awhile now. We really need that online broadcast because we're worthless without it.

Its raining and I have the windows open and the air feels good in here. The sleeping will be great if I can get to bed at a decent hour. To some degree this is freshmen year all over again. Only I drink at home and don't party........

All the same. This is my update.

Exhaustion Part 3

2008-10-01T14:02:00.000-07:00

So I got the all of 3 hours of sleep last night. I wish I had someone to hold me and just take me in. I do love Logan for that when he is around I dont have to be strong I can be weak because he is strong. I suppose that is what Christians believe Christ does for them, unfortunately, I never felt that from God. All the same I really do love him. I've been avoiding the subject for so long. So I admitted it. Oh well. I need male love as other than him I have none.

Onto other news, I printed out the first draft copies of the Summit Spark today. I'm very excited.

Exhaustion part 2

2008-09-26T21:37:00.000-07:00

Ok, so I havent slept in forever and its getting old. I'm watching the boondocks season 2 right now and frankly, its the most relaxing thing I've done in forever. I cant focus on work because I'm so drained. I will have to finish both projects tomorrow. I'm kinda over it. I'm feeling really unattractive right now no one seems interested in me at all and I'm really alone. I'll be ok though because I have greater goals in mind than just girls or guys for that matter.

SOC, Writing, Drafts, Articles and AHHHH!

2008-09-17T18:24:00.000-07:00

And that about describes it. As I sit here I'm a gaming guild or my regular sanity break for the week. My friend Erica is buying me a new winter coat. She bought her friend Rahwa a iphone so a coat is compartively cheap for me. and I've done way more for her! I'll be grateful though. I'm so lucky to have Erica around Id be so up a creek without a paddle with out her!

The van, my life, school

2008-09-11T00:48:00.001-07:00

Well, school is well underway. I'm in alot of organization this year so that is keeping things exciting. I had SOC and the newsletter meeting today. I'm very excited for that. I'm going to be rewriting and editing the constitution for our new diversity and social justice honor society. I think we should make it like a frat or sorority and make them know the founders (us) along with their greek alphabet but I'm narcissistic that way. I took a nap during Arlington's fire drill today! It was fun. I just passed out in the van. I was so tired after everything. I've been up since 7 a.m. and I have so much to do its not even funny. Its 2 am and it shows no signs of stopping. I'm getting tired and might sleep for a few hours, get up and try again. I need to organize all the paper from the day. Deal with files. I have emails to send out the ass. And I have a project that absolutely must be done by Friday no questions. I just took on a huge marketing campaign thing for another client today as well because the guy he hired didn't work out. I still have mercy reality and get magazine articles out as well. I have contests in my palm pilot and I have stuff in my notebooks that needs to be transcribed. In short, I have things to do!

By the way, the van's steering pump was out. But its all fixed now. I hate my geology class but its all good. I saw Steffanie and Abby a little. I don't talk to them.

I think I might be having some writer's block on soon. I'm feeling really drained on the writing end.

And I forget what else I was going to blog about. But thats ok.

The lean mean van machine has no brakes

2008-08-21T22:18:00.000-07:00

I was driving happily along in Windsor when my brakes went out. Your Local everyday Cameron could not stop for his life. However, I called AAA and got the whole show shipped back to Greeley. So I've been walking most places. Hopefully I won't be on foot long. I walked to Jessie's place and she drove me home. I walked to the hookah bar and hopefully I will have the energy to walk home.

Young Men Getting Vasectomies and More!

2008-08-19T12:23:00.000-07:00

Well our birthrate is gonna hit DaveyJones Locker here in a minute because apparently instead of wearing condoms, young single guys are getting vasectomies. Apparently they are now easily reversed and so it is easier for guys to get vasectomies and fuck women indescriminately without the bother of condoms. Oh wait, dont they do that already? I thought that lead to VD and worse things.

Anyway, Ive gotten a few things done today. I'm typing up reviews that I have been sitting on and such. I need to input my schedule into my palm pilot so I can keep things straight this semester. I'm taking my robotics class and I'm really happy about that. So I just need to get things together for the semester so I can go confidently to class on Monday.

I have a young republicans board meeting tonight (translation=lots of drama and boring)

Hopefully what wont last long.

Anyway I'm off to conquer some more projects and get some AC going and maybe some food.

CLC

End of school, disappointing grades, and secret money plans

2008-08-12T21:14:00.000-07:00

Well I got a C in history when I needed a B so I emailed her quick, I hope it went through. Im still waiting on athro. I hope that clears up soon.

I'm enjoying my two weeks of relative ease. I have lots of projects lined up so no money worries. Especially with the new opportunity I just found out about. I'll be writing more about that as things......finalize themselves, yeah, thats it.

Luke Shilts and I got closer last night. We need to hang out more I think.

I went to a meeting today at the UCCC downtown to discuss the finer points of the Schaffer vs. Udall debate coming up. The meeting went well but I think Josh has too many expectations for this event. Im very worried about the whole thing going off correctly. So I'm gonna try to do what I can.
I think I might demand a state position so I can watch him. Because he needs watching. This event could get so out of control.

Anyway, thats what going on in my life. I need to work on my writing blog. Too many blogs!

CLC

Stress!

2008-08-04T13:28:00.000-07:00

So I'm sitting in the end of my history lecture and I'm finally getting some relief from the stress of school. I turned in my book report for history ontime but I wrote it, in its entirely in about 30 minutes of frantic and focused writing for my life to get it done on time so I lost no points. I arrived at 11:30 last night from the NAIRA event in Denver. I dropped off a new hamper and laundry basket for my brother Logan. I think I might have interrupted him and his girlfriend having sex but I put the items in the door and closed it. I think he was very happy if a bit pissed of about the strange man invading his house.

I guess my horoscope was right my time will be freeing up but I still need to clean the house and such. So now that these large assignments are done I should have more time to wrap up some other things but I look forward to having some time to get to some neglected projects.

People keep saying I need to destress but I have to deal with things as they come.

A few minutes of peace

2008-08-03T13:21:00.000-07:00

Well in a few minutes here I'll be changing clothes and head down tot he NAIRA event at the Denver Marriott. Its way on the south side of town, but its only 45 minutes. I'm not really down to go but its getting money for our organization so thats whats important. I'm pretty impressed with how my dress clothes are fitting. I'm doing well for myself weight wise. I think I'm getting fat in the face though, that could just from the temperature or the facial hair. I don't know.

Finding a new Drug

2008-07-21T12:25:00.000-07:00

I was talking with my friend Jessie (local tarot reader and general wise woman) about my mind and my head and some of my previous drug addiction. She encouraged me to use my creativity as a drug to keep myself clean and healthy. So we're working on that. I've been talking to this guy in australia who is being a bit of a mentor, we will see how he works out.

Business is Improving

2008-07-18T23:26:00.000-07:00

Well my financial woes are improving just in time this time. I just landed a project tonight and I made three other deals tonight with new magazines and so I just need to actually get past this writer's block and get writing, finish off some invoices and then make payments on credit cards and save for the trip to Minneapolis for Young Republicans. Im excited now, somewhat consistent income! This also bodes well for business on other fronts. I'm really happy now.

My friend Fiza is staying with me now. I guess Im not such a bad guy now to her. She will be sleeping at my place for 6 weeks. She isn't interested in sex right now and I'm glad makes things a little easier on me. I will have to get used to not sleeping naked for awhile and that is gonna kill me. Oh well, such is life, I've recovered a good friend and that is more important than anything. I'm gonna sign off for now!

All the things I should be doing

2008-07-16T22:59:00.000-07:00

I should be reading, something, anything, well, something for school. I should have my cultural anthropology notes out and reading them at least for definitions. I should also be working on Mein Kampf and actually getting something done around here. Sadly I am talking to friends and drinking mountain dew. Oh well. Thats life, and its the summer. Next summer I'll be working a job and wearing a suite so I can pay bills and be a responsible adult like I'm supposed to be. The very idea is making me sick to the stomach. I'm just not ready to be responsible and adult. I've done it for too long and I'm tired of the lines forming on my face. I'm not sure who is making who older, me my mother or my mother me. I am going to work very hard to make sure there is no 9-5 work day for me. at least 7-3 so I can have a life. I do want a life outside of work and I am going to use everything I can to make sure I stay away from that.

My plan

2008-07-12T09:25:00.000-07:00

So I think I am finally going to break down and turn either this blog or start another blog to talk about my writing career and then publicize this blog to get people coming by. Then I will start talking about each post I make so as to increase page views and my noteriety thereby. I really don't want to do it, but I guess for my career I should.

Cameron

Getting Older

2008-07-07T17:22:00.000-07:00

Yes my birthday was 2 months ago and I'm still thinking about age and things but its not my fault. I was looking at the pictures of a friend and he looked so much older than I remember him and I suppose we all are getting older but it never occured that much to me until now.

CLC

Its rainy, cloudy and miserable

2008-07-03T08:49:00.000-07:00

So I'm sitting in anthropology watching End of the Spear which I've seen before and heard the story. So that's a yawn, anyway. On to other news, I'm pretty much caught up on assignments school wise so I've been trying to get motivation together to really wrap up some writing assignments so I think between classes in the library I will try to put it together on at least a few project, try to keep it moving, ya know. The freelancing thing keeps dwindling down, fortunately I have some money coming in from other sources, my old Dell money should be around soon, and my P-2-P money should pay out soon which will provide some spending money and the necessary funds for the convention. I should be able to pull it together I think. I will take alot of resources but I should be able to pull it off.

Snooze News

2008-06-28T17:13:00.001-07:00

The dirty rice is in the pot and on the stove and slowly but sure I'm getting moved out of my friend Erica's and into my permanent apartment. No sign of my roommate yet but what probably is going to happen is that she is going to show up tomorrow at some absurd hour and expect help moving in or trying to get her key or whatever. I hope that she is considerate. I'm pretty much hating on the staff of Arlington Park right now for making me haul my shit up and down the stairways. I am glad I didnt have to move far though.

This is the link to a video about how we are going to go to the moon, its very dramatic:

http://www.space.com/php/video/player.php?video_id=080626-constellation-rock

Facebook is funny as usual, Charles Miles tagged everyone in our photos of us going to Windsor and such. I'm going to repost the counter of when I turn 21 soon now that we are under a year.

I'm back to moving, I have a few kitchen items, the TV and my private fridge.

Its been quiet

2008-06-09T14:23:00.000-07:00

So I missed class this morning and the professor threatened to fail me. I guess I have to get it together now. Otherwise it has been quiet around here. I've been working hard, completed a few projects and things. I'm only late on one thing and I will be putting something together this afternoon for that. Otherwise its 3:30 and I'm going to the state of the Union Colony Speech this evening. Im meeting with the County Commissioners to get appointed to a Health and Human Services Board. I'll be in Denver this weekend for a meeting and to make some money off the parents. Other than that, all is well!

Cameron

Tornado

2008-05-22T22:19:00.000-07:00

So we had some tornado fun today here in Greeley. Now we're having an "We didn't die from the Tornado or chasing it afterwards." Party Its pretty kewl. Lots of things are happening. I will be updating this more later.

Cameron

Moved, end of semester, and other thoughts

2008-05-18T21:47:00.000-07:00

Ok so I havent dont a post in like, forever, but thats ok. Anyway so I moved into my fashionable Arlington apartment on 9th ave. Im really excited about it. Life without my friends is pretty tough but Im making it. Fiza got her belly button pierced today. Ironically enough she is still my friend on facebook...........strange aint it? I got 1500 from my Dad. I sent a payment to my credit card, and I spent like 400 at walmart. Walmart is the devil for sure. What started at a 50 dollar decorating trip became a huge 400 dollar affair. Anyway, I needed it all so, there you go. I finally found the Sacred Paths for Modern Men I needed it for my project with Pat so I'm glad for that. Although that relationship is kinda strained right now because she decided not to cosign on my loan which I also get to deal with tomorrow. It looks like the car is totally off unless they give me the loan for the full amount without the cosigner which is unlikely but I'm hoping. Then all I have to do is come up with the insurance money! Thats gonna be a problem after the summer but I will work it out. Other than that, that is the news. Oh yeah, I landed some new writing projects just as my big one is finishing up. So that is good for the income stream to say the least. I also have some markets and some other markets that I will be investigating for possible publishing. Anyway class starts tomorrow so I'd better not be up late. Sleepytime!

Cameron

So I'm so over it all

2008-04-19T18:47:00.000-07:00

Well this whole weekend stewing about Steffanie and that whole situation has cured me of my love for her. She would be ashamed to be seen with me in public. I am ready to talk to them about the whole situation and if they can't accept me for who I am then I will find some new friends and a new place to live. I am confident however that we can work it out though. I'm really over her.

Meanwhile my guy in New Jersey says he has feelings for me. I feel amazing. He is really nice, he's cute and built like me so I know he will like my body. I want him really bad.

Life can be a Bitch

2008-04-18T14:11:00.000-07:00

As if we didn't already know that right? My little crew is falling apart due to my love. Sometimes I hate human emotion.

I need to get out and write.

This class maybe being ditched here in a minute.

Right now Korean history is really boring me to death.

Akatoo.com

2008-04-13T14:40:00.000-07:00

So I'm working on a project with Akatoo.com!

This site is a knowledge sharing social site. Its really cool and you can help us test it out! By answering questions and making friends. Here is the best part though: You can become eligible for special prizes and stuff by emailing me for my code for the site that you use when you register! And you can help me out earn some stuff and money as well! So give a man a hand and email me at:

enchantedflutes@gmail.com

----------------
Now playing: The Fray - Over My Head (Cable Car)
via FoxyTunes

First week after

2008-03-31T12:43:00.000-07:00

The week itself was very uneventful but the weekend was wild. Saturday included exotic foods (sushi and ethiopian) and a trip to Fort Collins. I finally met Brandon's (summer roommate and close friend) Grandparents and their opulent home. We spent some time in the trashy ghetto dorm room of Jenna's friend Blamer. Then we went to the hookah bar and didn't get home until 3:30 in the morning. It was pretty amazing. I also got my mail from my parents and my allowance. I have a bit of a head cold but its going away. I think I will get my lymph system going by going to do a hard work out after class today and it should cure me. I cleaned the house from top to bottom yesterday afternoon it was pretty crazy. I mopped, vaccuummed and everything. The place is very nice. I even did laundry last night before it became a huge problem. Right now in betwixt typing I am highlighting quotes for my paper for English 123. Tonight I am going to a comedian at the UC, she is muslim and starting her TV show with Comedy Central. Then we are going to the hookah, bar hopefully if we can find one open.

Other than that nothing much going on.........I have girl drama as usual. I finally got with Crystal at long last the weekend after spring break and we hooked up. Unfortunately, her french boyfriend who dumped her before christmas called wanting to work things out. I don't know where I stand. Then an old highschool friend called her up professing his love. I'm in a three way race and I don't what to do. Its tough.

Vegas, Spring Break

2008-03-23T19:53:00.000-07:00

So I went to Las Vegas for spring break and that was fun. I went with my mom, partied at her friends and even got to go to a Strip Club for the first time. Other than that the trip was kinda a bust. I spent a fuckton of money but I had a lot of fun and I got a ton of new clothes and even new luggage thats red!

So the semester is starting and I'm trying to get on the ball schoolwork wise. I'm chillin' at my girl Erica's house right now and I just called my new babe to see what she is up to but she isn't answering so I thought I would put in a blog post to talk about what is going on.

Hmm, I'm working on a spreadsheet of wedding planners to call about wedding season coming up for flute. I'm working on a lot of new music so as to super charge this year I think!

Time to get back to work.

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the eHarmony bug strikes again

2008-02-23T15:12:00.000-08:00

Why oh why does eharmony allow comments on their advice page if you have to log into post one! Yahoo is much more efficient I think. Anyway for your reading perview looky here at what I had to say about their 8 things to not say in a relationship:

And the 9th thing not to say and this can go both ways, is, Ladies, if you're having female problems or have longer term, but not infectious problems, don't tell your man about it. We don't want to hear it. The last thing we want to think about while making love to you is about all that stuff you told us. Guys, if there is anything going on down there (I can't imagine what but working with me people) and its not infectious, then don't bother with it! Its nothing anyone needs to know.

I would also say on another two way street (on the emotional aspect) that communication is really important. I know its been said many times and many ways (no christmas pun intended) but it really is important, whether its an emotional problem, rumors that are hurting you, or something not so kosher in the bedroom get it out there. Disease can't be cured if you don't know there's one to start with.

Which reminds me, I'm still having sex with my ex (thats really got to stop) and I think I might have a date in Fort Collins tomorrow. What really sucks is that we and by that I mean he and I (yes its back to men) met online. I'm not even 20 years old yet and I'm meeting people online! (sigh illicits from me) I cannot get with the fact that I can't even just meet someone in person the old fashioned way. I guess it is 2008

Lord have mercy!

2008-02-18T23:21:00.000-08:00

If I hear one more strong dude at the gym drop a machine I swear I will lose it! And those shirts! Torn down the side all the way to the band! Both are annoying and trashy. I guess they think they are somehow stronger or look better if they do this but honestly unless there is something under that guys shirt to look at, please cover up! I know that there are not Brad Pitt bodies around here (and there are no mouses in my pocket) and hence I dress modestly. No one needs to see my abs even I can't find them, they just hurt a whole hell of a lot from all those crunches, situps and crossovers.

By the by you should visit safesexishotsex.com and watch Chi Chi's video on bareback porn that is putting porn models at risk. Condoms are a good thing my people!

In other news, so my money troubles continue, my well meaning ex-girlfriend helped me brainstorm about some jobs. I don't want to work at the dining hall just yet! I have a few job opportunities that I am going to chase after tomorrow in addition to getting the van some gas and trying to find its fusebox under the hood so I can get some power locks again! If I can't find it I am going to have to go the shop and have them fix it. I hope its easy to find personally that way I dont have to spend more money than is really necessary. I'm going to visit my parents this weekend and do my audition at DU that I need to do some more practicing for. I need to go over my scales and polish up the parts of the pieces that are playable and hope for the best on the ones that aren't. I'm still not sure if I want to study music or stick with poli sci. I think I'm secretly over the summer going to raise the money to pledge a frat. I think it will give me an edge around here if I stay at UNC. If I end up a DU I will have to see what kind of greek life culture they have to see if its really necessary for advancement there.

In better money news I will have some projects paying soon so that will improve my money situation and I just got hired at MileHive.com so hopefully I can see some ad revenue from that!

I still have a fuckton of reviews for BNN to work on and hopefully I can have those up by the weekend.

I also am due pretty soon for my mystery shopping to pay and it will be the December shops will total over 60 dollars which puts me in a good position to pay my aunt back some for the money I borrowed from her! I am very ecstatic about the whole thing. Things seem to be looking up for me. Me and Steffanie traced our difficulties to the fact that we used a spell on Drew called "Ice." You say three things you dont like about the person, write their name on a piece of paper and then put them in a cold place like a freezer. Last week I had a good talk with my friend Logan who reminded me of some rules of magic and I realized that ever since we put him on ice, things have gone badly for us. But we ended the spell and things seem to be correcting themselves and not a moment too soon. All the same its time for bed!

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Its Sunday!

2008-02-17T10:52:00.000-08:00

So I totally figured out that I actually have readership on here. So I thought I would make posts more often about whats going on around here. Last night I went to a party, drank a little and got really high which was nice. I don't particularly have a hangover today but I do feel a little depressed which would go along with coming down from the weed. Either way I'm off to lunch!

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Oh where do I start?

2008-02-13T01:36:00.000-08:00

Life sucks ass right now! I mean beyond usual!
I'm trying to lose weight for the everyday angels fashion show but I just ate a TWIX and I'm drinking a MT. Dew which is not good food for the runway. I seriously need to smoke cigarettes and eat nothing. I'm instituting a no eating policy on the 18th. Starting tomorrow I'm doubling my working out and I'm gonna make it faster and harder and I'm just gonna drive myself into the ground and then I'm taking this career big time.

Meanwhile my writing career is taking off in terms of work but not in terms of money coming in. My cashflow is zip right now. I've produced a ton of projects but so far, nothing paid. That sucks to say the least. Meanwhile, I was trying to get a quick story on Associated-Content and make a little quick money but they did such a run around due to my sources not being cited just the way they wanted them that the news is now old a week later and its really pointless. I just deleted it. Its not worth my time.

Apryl came over and is helping me get over Steffanie I'm not re-writing the same old tale so I thought I'd just post the log I gave to my Mom so here it is:

Cameron Cowan (2/12/2008 11:48:27 PM): AC for giving my article so much of a runaround the immediacy of the news was lost

Cameron Cowan (2/12/2008 11:48:58 PM): they kept complaining about uncited sources because they didn't believe the article was mine even though for every number I put where it came from. So I took it off before they fired me

Cameron Cowan (2/12/2008 11:51:19 PM): then Apryl was over here last night and complained that I was more broke up over Steffanie and that situation than her. She doesnt understand that she ruined my F***ing happiness because she believed false rumors and didn't react properly to diffuse the situation and now all she can offer me is sex. Meanwhile the same conversation saying that I shouldn't bother with steffanie and making me promise I won't sleep with her again. Steffanie's mom's ex husband apparently has made serious and significant death threats according to my state patrol friend on her and her mom and so now she is paranoied.

Cameron Cowan (2/13/2008 12:00:55 AM): and I am so tired of writing sample articles on the hopes that they will hire you. They never take your old work they always want to see if you can write for them that way they get what they want

Cameron Cowan (2/13/2008 12:01:12 AM): I'm really beginning to hate my career choice. I swear I'm going back to music school

Dom Smith (2/13/2008 12:01:31 AM): I understand.

Cameron Cowan (2/13/2008 12:02:34 AM): Apryl was offended last night because we always had sex with the lights off.................after you breakup everything you've done is bad

Dom Smith (2/13/2008 12:03:17 AM): Of course

Cameron Cowan (2/13/2008 12:05:28 AM): so yeah....

Cameron Cowan (2/13/2008 12:05:32 AM): thats whats got me down

Dom Smith (2/13/2008 12:05:50 AM): Yeah I understand. That is how separation works.

Dom Smith (2/13/2008 12:05:57 AM): See everything bad

Dom Smith (2/13/2008 12:06:00 AM): that was good

Dom Smith (2/13/2008 12:06:03 AM): and make the bad worse

Dom Smith (2/13/2008 12:06:12 AM): Then it is easier to say it wasn't your fault.

Cameron Cowan (2/13/2008 12:07:15 AM): well Apryl admits that it was all her fault, she was jealous of the fact I was helping steffanie move out of Drews, she was fearing that I was cheating and she erroneously thought that I wanted it to be done.

Cameron Cowan (2/13/2008 12:07:42 AM): So basically since everyone was against our relationship it eventually was torn apart and my happiness is robbed from me again.

Dom Smith (2/13/2008 12:10:43 AM): Well if you both want to try again, it will take work and working on the trust.

Dom Smith (2/13/2008 12:10:47 AM): Plus her family.

Cameron Cowan (2/13/2008 12:12:46 AM): I

Cameron Cowan (2/13/2008 12:12:51 AM): am not going there again

Cameron Cowan (2/13/2008 12:12:54 AM): I know she wont trust me

Dom Smith (2/13/2008 12:13:17 AM): ok

Cameron Cowan (2/13/2008 12:13:28 AM): and she has burned too many bridges

Dom Smith (2/13/2008 12:13:45 AM): ok

Cameron Cowan (2/13/2008 12:13:51 AM): and she won't forgive me for telling her to "get the f**k out of my life or trust me and I don't care which"

Cameron Cowan (2/13/2008 12:14:11 AM): she is such a princess she wont forgive me because "I dont let people talk to me that way, it just doenst happen."

Cameron Cowan (2/13/2008 12:14:17 AM): which that really pisses me off

Dom Smith (2/13/2008 12:14:39 AM): Yeah that is arrogant

Cameron Cowan (2/13/2008 12:15:51 AM): there is thinking you deserve things and then there is the princess attitude which I never fully realized until now that I'm not with her

Dom Smith (2/13/2008 12:31:55 AM): Yeah well her family made her that way.

Dom Smith (2/13/2008 12:32:02 AM): And now she considers it her due.

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Weekend

2008-02-01T15:10:00.000-08:00

Well I'm kicking it at my parent's crib this weekend and right now I'm dead and bored here in International Law and Organizations. Some people are getting up and leaving and I just might I hav to present on monday which will mean homework over the weekend.....yippee or not. Anyway I plan to get some solid guildwars time in somewhere I havent logged on in forever. Otherwise nothing is going on. I'm still reeling from finding out that Drew was doing me and Steff at the same time. We went out and pulled a prank on his car last night. We drew with permanent marker all over his car (vandalism of course). I wanted to deflate his tires but it was too loud. We then came back, ate Jimmy Johns and celebrated with loud music! I can barely wait to find out what Drew thought when he found the car. I forgot my cellphone at home today so I have been off grid for awhile. I like being off grid. Speaking of off grid I'm gonna get off this one.

Ask and ye shall receive

2008-01-30T13:19:00.000-08:00

Well things with Steffanie aren't exactly platonic anymore........that is if friends and just a little sex is still platonic. I think its trully friends with benefits. We don't really care for relationships right now and honestly that is fine. Its just sex. Now I'm sure that I will type about broken feelings and things but I can do that right now. Apryl are still over I have victory over that relationship, there is just one problem, she won't let go. Last night she called me because her car wouldn't start. As it would turn out her security system (woop woop system as she puts it in her idiotic girlie way) which interrupts the starting system isn't deactivating and her car won't start. Somehow she thought to call me and she wants to "hang out" on Valentine's Day. I think my mom is due to have tuberculosis on that day. I just wish she would realize that we are done and through. She is worried about losing me as a friend but she wasnt when she dumped me. Maybe she should have thought about that on the day of. Either way I'm moving on to bigger boobs and tighter pussies (read: Steffanie) and like it or not I'm done and liberated!

Its raining men

2008-01-23T18:26:00.000-08:00

So it would appear my luck with men seems to be looking up. I had great phone sex with a guy in New Jersey and there is a guy in Fort Collins thats after me too. So I get done with one relationship and I have plenty of prospects, its kinda weird. Meanwhile I have a huge drama going on with my fried Steffanie due a guy she is after. It requires a great deal of magic on my part. We've spent the last two nights on tarot cards. I am really energy tired. Otherwise classes are going well. I have class almost straight through 9-4:30 on Monday Wednesday and Friday. I have no classes on TUE or Thursday which is fine with me. I still have the radio show which is fine with me I still enjoy doing it.

He called me and I lost another

2008-01-19T19:45:00.000-08:00

So my friend Steffanie likes me................but just not that way. But on the upside my friend in NJ called and said he wanted to come out, hang out with me and fuck me. So .........

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Single Again

2008-01-15T22:53:00.000-08:00

I'm swinging it single again. Apryl couldn't trust me on the cheating issue so she decided she was done. She called me today at the radio station about her ID card and that conversation was tense at best. I am really happy about it this time. I am ready to be single again and I am ready to take on the single scene again. My friend Drew was dumped by his girlfriend and so we are striking up our friendship again and basically throwing out lots together for now as far as money and events go. We're hanging out a lot and generally giving each other R and R as we recover from our relationships.

As usual the beginning semester stress have started. Buying books etc. I am frantically looking for a job to get some needed income into the house but I am have been contacted for writing and flute work. I just put up my new flyers for flute teaching. I hope to get some new students. I think I will be dropping off a few flyers at some elementary schools as well. I am gonna actively pursue it a little more. Either way.

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Its Opening Weekend

2008-01-12T22:45:00.000-08:00

Well its the beginning of the of the semester again and I am hoping that the new semester is better than the last one. There are lots of new opportunities and lots of things to do. I am working very hard to turn a buck because I am coming out my financial rock bottom and to keep the momentum going I need more money. I spent way too much money on my week trip to FL and so I am again, hardup. The good news is, is that excepting for my Target card everything is paid up. I just need to finish it all off. So I have great hopes that I will be able to accomplish these things. So I am applying for jobs. I have landed a few freelancing jobs. Its really cool. Anyway so I'm gonna get back to it.

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From Charlotte

2008-01-08T12:40:00.000-08:00

Well thanks to the idiosyncracies of banking I'm out of money and starving, but I used to model so I know how to starve. I did a smash up job of sleeping through the short flight and now comes the long part. I will sleep for most of it too, I will stay up for the drinks though because that does help you stave off the hunger. So between that and mind tricks we should be ok.

So I'm still pissed off at my friend for deleting my porn stash he has been asking about it. He is trying to keep me pure of eye. He can fuck off as far as I'm concerned.

I think thats all for today. Besides the guy taking dips of tobacco on the plane my trip has been uneventful so far. I tried to buy Apryl something today before I realized that I had no money so I had to ditch the lady at the Disney store in the Orlando airport. I've lost no bags and no items my only travel casualty is leaving my coat in Orlando and if Kenji gives me grief I'll just buy a new one! Anyway thats all from here!

I'm so bored and so confused/mad

2008-01-06T22:03:00.000-08:00

I am having one of my rare suicide nights. These are usually long and sleepless as witnessed by the late hour of the post. Im stuck in this super 8 flophouse in Orlando. I have just enough money to get to the airport. No food money for the trip home but I will survive. There might be a little money on my card. I will check on it. I talked with my Mom. I wished she accept my relationships with men I really would. I wish I could fuck a guy I really do. I'd like some ass, some dick etc. Right now I'm watching that prison movie with Tom Hanks, what's it called? I need a drink. I think I will go back to my book. I'll lie naked here on the bed and read for awhile, until the sun I think.

This trip.......

2008-01-05T17:29:00.000-08:00

I have been about to shoot myself! Ok I don't think that makes much sense, but I have wanted to! My friend does not have internet at his house so I've been bored to tears. The only saving grace is that he has let me use his car alot. Honestly, I've spent more time in his car than he has and more time with it than with him. The trip was bust, I won't be making a special trip again. If I am in his hood I will stop by otherwise its really not worth my time. He blames it on my bad planning but he didn't tell me that he had school so early.... (he's a teacher).

On the upside business is booming. I've been trolling ifreelance and Gofreelance for work and getting results. I am going to go troll craigslist here in a minute. But I am gonna make this short because I want to get back to Guildwars my fav pasttime. I will write a full report when I get home! This will include my getting sick on the plan and getting lost in Orlando! Look back here for more!

Getting Ready to Leave

2007-12-31T14:29:00.000-08:00

Today was an excellent example of what I want to do in 10 years. Mystery shop in the morning, lunch out, flute in the afternoon with little laundry and some writing mixed in for fun. I dropped off some more stuff to go out that I sold on ebay. I bought a refining mask at Aveda. I wanted to buy shampoo but I baulked at the 18 dollar price tag.

My girlfriend is so beholden to her mother its not even funny. I really wanted to see her tonight and spend some time before I left but she doesn't want to be out and about on New Year's Eve. Personally, I intend to be home long before the drunks are out and about. But its her choice I guess.

I'm leaving for Florida tomorrow so I need to get packing and my laundry is done. I will write on the other side.

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Its been awhile since something meaningful

2007-12-25T20:49:00.001-08:00

Well I know its been awhile since I published something on here thats meaningful but I try. I bought myself an early Christmas present and bought my GoFreelance membership and applied for every job I could. I've been wiling away hours on the computer playing Guildwars and texting dirty notes to my girlfriend. (Yes we worked things out and we're back together) today was a good day. I got everything I wanted. I leave next week for Florida. I have to spend two days in a hotel because my friend is going to drop me off in Orlando on the 6th and I don't leave until the 8th. I'm looking at a 200 dollar hotel bill. My dad gave me the names and numbers to two hotels but I will see if I can find something cheaper or see if I can get my friend to drop me on the night of the 7th. I'll have to see. I have to call the bank tomorrow and have my accounts unlocked again. Hopefully they will be favorable to me and give me a hand with it. I'm only two fees negative in the balance and I can deposit 300 dollars tomorrow and have it over with room to spare. I can even give my overdue credit card some help and hopefully they will let me use it for the trip especially if I put all my money on it. Hopefully they won't have charged it off, let's hope anyway. I will find out tomorrow. I got a good book for a stocking stuffer (even though I made mom buy it last night) It's called "On the Road" by Jack Kerouac. Its about a man who leaves his stuffy New Jersey apartment for a better and more exciting life in California and exciting it was! After several odd jobs and falling in with all sorts of interesting people from a mexican girl with a child and an angry husband to his infamous group of friends who are always working strange jobs, spending frivilously and usually broke. I can see why it is a classic, it has had be enraptured most of the afternoon and even in the bookstore last night I sat there in the chair in my coat and gloves and read the first 25 pages just like that!

Speaking of the Finances however I hope 2008 treats me better than 2007 has. Honestly, 2007 raped me a frat boy does a sorority girl at a drunken party. I'm planning on getting a job at the same place as my friend making $12 an hour! That will be good money coming and I'm extra reliable so I think I should get it. I will enjoy the extra income.

Me and my mom got in fight on Sunday at Colorado Mills. I didn't talk to her until late that night and then a little bit yesterday and then today of course. She still likes to critique and judge as always. Nothing with her ever changes.

To make some extra money I'm selling some of my old homeschooling books online for profit on ebay. People are already asking questions so I think that is a good sign.

I'm going to sign off and have a Merry Christmas what's left of it!

Better counter

2007-12-23T18:03:00.001-08:00

Find Sonography schools near you

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Counter

2007-12-23T18:01:00.000-08:00

Learn about Ultrasound technicians

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Don't You Wish There Was a Handbook for Life?

2007-12-09T09:09:00.000-08:00

2 breakups, finals stress, and a frazzled and fried brain later its December 9th! Me and Apryl are no more, even after a week as friends with benefits. Ultimately, I think its better that way. We were both trying to control the relationship and we weren't going anywhere. I've also found that I'm entirely unsuitable for relationships. I cannot stand when she would bring up a problem to me every single day or perfectly good compromises would be ruined because she would overanalyze it, over think it and then we would have to start over because her head had messed it all up. I can't take a problem du jour some things just have to sit and just be I do too much in life to have a new and different problem every single day, especially in my relationships. I also found I like to be in charge of my relationships both in and out of the bedroom. I don't like to control the person's life I found but I like things to be run my way and its doubtful that is going to change. So I either need to find a doormat or just stay single and I think the last one wins. There is a girl I'd like to take out but I don't think I will bother knowing these things about myself.

It snowing today and I'm ok with that.

Fred Thompson is going ok I am designing posters right now to go up next semester.
Student Council is spending money faster than ever and the job really bores me and I really don't agree with much of what they are doing.
My writing career is perking along with no big changes, I am working on a few paying projects and I send submissions out all the time.
I got an audition offer from DU so I will playing flute for them soon but I can't decide if I want to go to DU or stay in Greeley. All I hear from transfer students is how painful it was and how long their education got extended because of it. So more decisions! Handbook, where is that handbook?

Anyway I am supposed to go see some old friends today for a little Magic card game playing so I am going to bring this bitch fest to a close.

Decisions Decisions

2007-11-14T23:20:00.000-08:00

Too much to decide. I can't decide if I want to stay with my girlfriend. I can't decide if I want to reveal my sexuality to certain people. I just can't decide things! Too many mysteries in life no? I got my admission stuff from DU and from Seton Hall University in NJ. I'm trying to decide between music and political science. I just don't know which to do. I might save music for graduate school barring a record label picking me up tomorrow! My mystery shopping money is late, very late in fact its now thursday and it is nowhere to be found. I did get some money from associated-content.com which means I can have gas for another five minutes. The holiday on monday messed up my money and overpsent horribly and I'm a good 75 in the hole for the umpteenth month in a row. None of the credit cards have been paid since their September due dates and I'm pretty sure I'll be defaulting on those pretty quick if now already. I'm trying to raise the money by selling my piccolo which I really dont want to do. But I guess if they all tell me that I've defaulted then I will take it off the market and try to make it on 200-250 a month.

Have you seen the fucking price of gas lately? Oy vey! The van is getting too expensive for me! But what can I do? Me and my Dad's site http:/www.rockymtproducts.com is picking up traffic. I am going to create myspace and facebooks for both this weekend and try to get some more traffic coming by. I need to find a few more favorable blogs and forums to get our site on but the traffic is increasing. My dad has a new poker scheme and he is planning to take $400 dollars and turn it into many thousands. He started with nothing the other night on the play tables and made $350 just like that. I hope he is successful, and I hope he gives me some love that way. Anyway I think I will sign off for tonight. I have to think.

A long post

2007-11-05T13:58:00.000-08:00

So much as gone on since I last wrote. English 225 has gone from bad to worse. I'm on a "talking moretorium" in that class because she said I was stuffing my intelligence down the throats of the class and they were saying bad things about me. So I've been sitting in her class for the past week and a half writing on my novel. Might as well not be bored eh?

Me and Apryl had a week break and got back together. Things are well there. I can't decide if I want to break it off so I decided to keep with it for now.

I have a ton to do this week I have two papers due on Friday I had an assingment sprung on me last night that I just got done and I'm sitting in IR bored. I have German test today that I'm totally unprepared for and I have to go to an election party tomorrow night because its election day and I'm trying to infiltrate and get the inside scoop for a blog. I was out today sign waving for said blog which since I only got 2 hours of sleep last night consisted of parking at a convenient corner, stuff the sign in the windshield and catch three hours. I did get some things done for my credit but I would love to crash right now a little.

I have to go to German so off I go!

A dark cloud over a good day

2007-10-09T22:49:00.001-07:00

As I was running in five minutes late to class today in Candelaria with my German homework waving in my hand I had a rosy outlook to things. My english essay was coming back and I expected an ok grade but not nearly as low (65) as I got. I was pretty mad and now I have to go meet with her next week to have a chat about it. If she says I should withdraw from the class I will lose it. Meanwhile my internship is taxing my time nearly constantly. I need to get up early to drop by the post office to get stamps tomorrow before I get there. Since I have to be there at nine and I need to leave around 8:30 I will be up around 7:30 or so. Its a hard knock life for me for sure. I can only hope that my GPA will improve at the end of the semester. The servings of humble pie never seem to stop. I'm really tired of everyone trying to change me. I wonder what it would be like to be left alone for a change.

What a week

2007-10-06T21:12:00.000-07:00

As usual I've been having authority issues. I emailed the radio station manager about something I heard through the grape vine. Not only was he far from enthused about it but he wrote me back and we had a conversation. My internship guy said that I was supposed to have something to him by wednesday and he didn't even email me it until wednesday so that is a situation of sorts. Not sure whats up with that. Anyway I'm kinda drunk and kinda high so I'm peacing out.

Is one of those weeks

2007-09-26T18:45:00.000-07:00

Murphy's law check brought to you by.............ME!!!!! If it can go wrong this week it has. Today I finished boiling the potatoes for Oktoberfest with my friends at her apartment. It was so steamy from the boiling potatoes set off her fire alarm!! I had to go to my internship this morning to start a new project which I will be working on tonight. Last night Lawrenson Hall flooded and so I was up until 3:15 this morning with Apryl. 10 hours of sleep in 48. I am going to sleep like a baby tonight. I can't think of anything significant other than that. I'm on the radio tomorrow and our internet feed is up now! Mom was up today jewelry shopping at the UC and we had lunch. It went really well.

Weekend

2007-09-22T22:01:00.000-07:00

Oy vey. I'm not jewish but that just sounds good. My girlfriend and I talked about some more stuff and I got a lot of things figured out for myself. So all is well and our ship is sailing along merrily. We are beginning to hang out with this other couple and kinda doing the couple thing. We will see how that works out. Otherwise I am looking forward to sleeping and fucking the weekend away which I am being fairly successful thus far.

Yay almost hump day

2007-09-18T21:49:00.000-07:00

While I wish I could hump on hump-day but no. Instead I have a ton to do. I have German homework that needs doing and I have English 225 reader response to do as well! 17 credit hours does wear and at some point I gotta get to work on my internship project. I think I will work on that tonight. Its only 11:00 and the night is young. Its not pressing though. I have my usual busy schedule for a Wednesday. Otherwise nothing else remarkable. I was on the radio for the first time today.

Oh boy

2007-09-15T19:40:00.000-07:00

Well I drove down from Greeley last night and so I slept reasonably well. I finished all the business with my parents thank you very much. I haven't gotten a bit of German homework done yet. Oh well, its really long and I don't want to do it anyway. My friend Jenn's roommates are finally moving out and that's good for her. But they still have their internet up! Hence I can do this post.....

Apryl kept her texting down today and that was good. I don't think I'm really keep her happy in bed anymore and for a relationship based on sex I've got to step it up. Hmm. Nothing else that I know of today. More tomorrow

TGIF!!!!

2007-09-14T12:04:00.000-07:00

Friday, and its about damn time I say! Uh oh, Battery is running out. I will try to write quick! I'm sitting in this really boring class (pays attention for a second). My car is in the shop getting new brakes and hopefully it will be done soon. I'm looking forward to a bagel upstairs here in a minute when this class is done. I don't think anything else spectacular is going on so I will leave this one short today.

Cough, Cough hack hack

2007-09-12T21:15:00.000-07:00

I love September......and I hate it too. I can enjoy autumn in between sneezes. I love that Mind of Mencia (just ended) now its South Park. I swear how did this country live without comedy central? I went to Gaming Guild and my character actually did something. I was dually impressed and I knocked out two articles for Associated-Content.com. My accounts are probably overdrawn by now since checks have come through and I'll be in horrific debt to the bank. I had better go look so if I have to stop the bleeding I can or I at least will know how much bleeding I have! Anyway, I'm gonna go grab a cough drop and get out of these clothes. Have a good night.

At the beginning of every semester

2007-09-11T17:10:00.000-07:00

I always seem to get sick. It started yesterday and I thought I had burnt it out with some spicy Chipotle. I've slept the day away, missed a German test and my English 225 class. I am going to have to see if I can makeup the test and hopefully he will believe my case. Otherwise there is one at the end of every chapter so its not like this is going to be the only one. His grading system is easy. Either way I am going to head back to bed with some tea I think. I was going to Pagan Open circle but I think I'd rather stay in bed, do some reading and drink some good tea.

The first day of Autumn is September 23. I need to figure out ceremony dates for my group. Either way off to bed I go.

in Review

2007-09-10T00:28:00.000-07:00

I was just reading my blog posts of late because I was putting them in an email to a friend who is too lazy to come by and read my fair blog and realized that I haven't had a happy moment in this relationship. Not one. In fact, its been pretty miserable, all I could find was complaints. That must tell me something and I think I know what it is. Every trash can in the house was full so I started to empty them and I just found another one that I am going to empty here after bit. I did a mystery shop for a hospital and the Greeley qwest store which is due every three months like a fucking oil change. I did the hospital with no problems but the qwest requires editing. Thankfully though, its only 8 questions instead of the whole thing. I would like to find someone who does good at these things. Either way I have to edit it sometime tomorrow. Probably between classes. I need to get to work on my narrative for English class, its due for peer review on the 20th. Ah school. Then I need to get some writing done for sure. I'd like to get this article done but I don't see it happening tomorrow. Maybe I can get some done tomorrow in the morning or between Bio and Fundamentals of American politics if I get German and International Relations done fairly quickly. It is approaching 2:00 and I should go to bed. I've hardly slept recently but there is a chill in the air tonight that I think will make for good sleeping weather. My eyelids are drooping. My closet doors are so sexy now! I took foam board and made erotic collages with a magazine and ton of pics I had *laying around* on my computer. They look really cool. I even put one on the bathroom wall and it looks good. I just have to be careful not spray it with the water bottle. Fun times.

Meanwhile the drama surrounding Apryl and our group of friends both mutual and otherwise is growing and I am beginning to see a pattern of lies and deceit growing up around here and I do not like what I see. I went out to dinner tonight with my RA, her sister, and one of her friends and found out a few things about Apryl as well. Nothing too rosy either. So I have a decision to make.

Semester Beginnings

2007-09-07T20:05:00.000-07:00

I have only missed two Bio classes. Otherwise I have been to every other class. I'm proud of myself I really have gotten into the habit of going to class especially with a schedule that works better for me and has spaces in between for study so I don't have to clog up my evenings. I did my mystery shopping for the Rocky Mountain health center. It was fun but they worked my ass off. I had to concoct a whole scenario for them because they were way too nosy. Me and Apryl ate at Roma's tonight with Maya and the whole gang and it was ok. Apryl wasn't impressed with the food and because of an appetizer we all shared we ended up paying alot more than planned. I filled out the DJ application for UNC radio today and I got a flyer for a poli sci internship that will add on one more credit hour to my schedule but it will be a great resume builder and a great opportunity for networking. Either way everything is chill up here in Greeley.

Funky time or sleepy time?

2007-09-01T01:38:00.000-07:00

I successfully slept through my German class today! Which is ok. No homework anyway. I really dont give a damn. I played Apples to Apples tonight with some friends and I have a brunch appointement tomorrow morning. I must be becoming a boring adult....brunch appointments and board games. What happened to wild drinking parties and carousing around sleeping with people you don't know? I think I'm finally getting older......hmmm. Anyway I am going to finish the last of my projects before homework starts in earnest.

Week Wrap up

2007-08-30T22:45:00.001-07:00

I am going to exactly one class tomorrow. Not another one. I might go to German.......prolly not. We'll see depending on my mood. I played shadowrun for the first time on Wednesday and it was a lot of fun. I stayed up with friends until 3:00. I had them in and out of here, but we had some pizza and beer (I didnt just say that!) and we had a lot of fun. I watch a movie with my friend Amy and my girlfriend. I dont want this relationship to end, but at the same time I'm not that into it right now. I can't decide if its passing or what....very strange in any case. I think I'm good to go tonight. I'm gonna talk to some more people and then pass out. Peace

CLC

My tenure was short

2007-08-29T16:12:00.000-07:00

Guten Tag!

Ok I've been doing too much German homework......either way. As fast as I was put on ASAP I'm already done. They decided after all that work that I wasn't the man they wanted. Oh well. They said that I intellectualize the situation and I am not empathetic. Well fuck them I say here is what I wrote them: Since you two were so interested I thought I would wrap up my thoughts on this entire matter for both of yours viewing.

I am deeply disappointed that you have decided not to have me in the program. I am very angry that I have been strung along for the past 8 days and allowed me to do everything I did over the weekend and then on Tuesday to be let go. I've been used and I've had 8 days of my time wasted and the fees for staying in the dorms. Honestly, I think you should take more time in the earlier stages to screen out those who don't fit your profile of a good advocate. As for the peer-education I say some of the things I say to help people realize that they are not alone. I keep my personal antidotes brief so as to avoid a conversation change. I know Gavin said to "cut the cheese" and I took that advice in and threw it away. I am a firm believer in old southern hospitality and I believe survivors should be treated liked humans and they should be spoken to just like we normally would speak. I am not going to make cold mechanical statements from training. That's not warm and friendly thats just cold and unforgiving. Having been a victim myself I already had a million thoughts rolling through my head. The last thing I needed was another overly serious person. I needed a warm and friendly face and that was my goal in the program. Unemotional, unapproachable, and unempathetic is not usually words associated with me by my friends who approach me for advice and something of counseling all the time which is why I undertook with your program to start with. I will always keep my training and all the things I learned. I am horrified to find out that people were complaining about me. Last week was a hard week for me as I was trying to get everything straightened out for the beginning of the semester and get my financial affairs in order and so the first part of the week was hard. Minus the fact it is hard to be a confident man in a room full of feminists and my opinions didn't match with the group and I didn't really feel included until Wednesday. I do not compromise who I am or what I am for anyone. I've spent too much of my life doing that and I refuse to do it any further.

As far as the state of my mental health I am sensing your desire to see me in with a shrink. Shrinks cannot help me do anymore than beat these poor dead horses to death. I talk openly about what has happened to me but I am not going to burst out crying at the every mention of the matter or even tear up just because it happened. It's not worth my time. I am dismissive of my issues because it happened in the past. Believe me I was plenty emotional when the event occurred but there is no reason to be so now. I have been raped willingly once, and against my will once as well. I have been expelled from the college of my choice because of my sexuality and beaten by my own father for all of my life until I was 18. I have fought with my parents and I am product of all these things. I know the pain of crying yourself to sleep every night because you are hurting. I have lost someone and many things that I hold very near and dear to me. I know loss and rejection very well. I know what its like to try to get up everyday and live your life and I know about the days when you just can't move. It may seem that I don't emote but I do. I never do it in public I usually do it at home or in my car. When events like what happened yesterday morning happen I think first I intellectualize if you want to say that first to clearly evaluate the situation before I engage my emotions. Its not that they are separated or divorced I would be emotionally passed out all the time if that were so. I have been in that state so I know it all too well. I choose to think before I emote. I am sorry if you think that is wrong or unhealthy but I call that a standard logical reaction to a problem or situation. You will not find me bursting out crying at the drop of a hat over nothing or even over something. If I cry I do so at home. Sorry, but that is the way it is. I have traveled the gammet of emotions today after our meeting from anger to disappointment. I really do feel that in too many cases I am not good enough for anything. I was really feeling like I could get involved in something here on campus only to be turned away like the scraps dog. I am sure you will find other persons to fill my place but I will not live with the shame of being a volunteer after going through advocate training. I will return the handbook which is clean and unused to your office today. I thank you for your time and consideration.

Regretfully,
Cameron Cowan

So that is that. An end of a very short era. Today was much better I haven't been fired or ticketed like yesterday. I got three tickets and got fired all in one day and did I mention the record label dropped me on Saturday? So I'm down right now but we will rise again. I got dropped off my youth orchestra as well just now as I type. So pretty much everything I want to do or wanted to do has stopped. So I have to re-tool and make some new opportunities for myself. Either way I'm off to gaming guild.

Classes resuming and ASAP

2007-08-27T16:42:00.000-07:00

Well ASAP training is over (Assault Survivors Advocacy Program) and I am glad we had the Fall Bazaar on sunday in the heat and on our feet! We gave out alot of pens and magnets and got our name out there. I have done a ton of stuff tonight and I havent even touched homework yet! ACK!!! I need more handy tack for my posters so they will quit falling down all the time. Or command strips, whichever comes first. (Yes that was a fragment congrats on finding it). Anyway I've spent about 150 bucks outfitting this room. I went to buy new ink cartridges today in between classes. I've been running and running all day I'm ready to drop but I have to go see a friend and then go work out. So.....I'm peacin' out. I'm thinking about joining a Frat........hmm.

Life is resuming

2007-08-20T04:38:00.000-07:00

Ok before I bitch here is the link to my book review. The writing isn't at my best but I think it has a modern easy going style. Enjoy!

http://www.bloggernews.net/index.php?s=Susan+Wingate

NOW!!!! It is 5:35 fucking AM and I have had it. So I'm *with* my girlfriend and we wrap up the evenings festivities. She says she is thirsty and so I go grab two of the cold water bottles from my fridge that I always keep about. So we're drinking and talking and of course she complains of the taste. I say, "Its just plain tap water." and of course she hates the tap water. So I finish mine and we go for a short round 5 and I settle in to catch a few winks before I have to be up. And as I am drifting off she is digging in her purse for money to go buy soda because she said she really needed one because of her stomach or something. She was short a dime so I had to haul my happy ass off to my car to get a dime (and at this point money for a soda for me) so her stomach can feel better. (I didn't know sleeping with me caused stomach pains.....) anywho. A nice afterglow with sleep turned into a long ass walk across campus to get this money. I have had enough of her complaints about pretty much everything. I don't know what to do. I am at a loss. And of course she is now in there sleeping and because I was doing this walk at 4:00 and I have to be up at 8:00 so there is no point in getting any sleep now. But she drank her MT. Dew and was out like a light never caring about me and if I wanted to sleep or not. Minus the fact I get the sinking feeling that I'm not the one she wants to be with. I don't think she would talk about other guys so much if she really wanted to be with me. Anyway thats my freakass early bitch session. I hope at the time of this writing my readership is sleeping.......

Life at home

2007-08-17T20:14:00.000-07:00

Well we're back on the homefront. I got in trouble last night I drove home drunk and Mom was not pleased. She got over it though. Im drunk again tonight though. I've sucked down a case of beer. By myself of course. Either way I have been reading some writing mags. Found some new markets. I need to get back to writing poetry for some submissions and contests. Meanwhile I have to get a website for my freelancing career. I have put in for some jobs so I can drop out of college at last. I have some hopes for a good paying career in the defense industry or something. Hopefully in documentation. I'm gonna get this writing career off the ground if it kills me! Either way I can't write I'm too drunk!

Home at last

2007-08-14T15:15:00.000-07:00

I have had it with air travel for awhile. Last night when I was leaving from Hawaii a lady asked to be reseated or for her to be reseated because black people (pointing at me) are insanitary. I have never been so embarrassed and humiliated in all my life. Eventually however between four people who wanted to move around anyway we got the job done. I ended up with two pert college students from the Univ. of Texas. So I got home and ran some errands. Im seeing to the house work (its desperate) and earning my money from the parents. I just need to vaccuum and mop floors. I am gonna fill my laundry containers and get ready to go see Apryl for a little somethin somethin.

USS Arizona and time to return

2007-08-13T01:04:00.000-07:00

Well the Arizona was eerie I even saw the oil droplets leaking out. Very scary to think of all those guys down there, their remains and their final resting place in 8 feet of Hawaiian waters. On a lighter note however we shopped until we dropped! I am completely product-ed again. And I got new sunglasses and some clothes from Old Navy, my fav store. Hmm, we went to Chuck's Steak House tonight and the food was amazing. I would recommend of course. We leave tomorrow night for Denver and I can't wait to get home earn some money and get back to college and pay some bills and stuff. Most important I'd like to see my girlfriend again soon too for............CENSORED!!!!

Anyway, what else is going on? Not a thing I don't think. My hair is about grown out properly. I like it this why and I'm gonna work on losing some fat so my muscles will come out.

Sweet Civilization

2007-08-10T19:38:00.000-07:00

YES!!!!!! Honolulu at last!

Now that we are back in civilization I never realize how sweet it could be! We were in the boonies! Thats ok though, I grew up in the boonies. Anywho, the restaurants! The shops! Oh my! Oahu is lovely the traffic sucks, but I think it does everywhere in this state. They can only build the roads so wide. Tomorrow its off to the USS Arizona memorial and Pearl Harbor in general. It saddens me to think of all the men still down there in their watery graves after all this time. Certainly a national shrine. I look forward to going there and observing their burial place. Its kinda funny though I look at the all the Japanese tourists wandering around and I think what they must be thinking about all this and if they don't feel a little like the Diana Degarmo song "Didn't we almost have it all?" Anyway, passing though I'm kinda weird that way. The smell of leis and flowers is in the air. The airplane had no air at all but it was only a 45 minute rough flight from Kona to Honolulu, yet I have a splitting headache. In Kona everything was very open and outdoorsy here it is very modern and civilization like at home. To some degree I miss all the openness, it felt like true Hawaii, ya know Aloha. I like being here because i really fit in. My dark skintone doesn't stand out nearly as much as at home and I like that. There is not much business to speak of other than the huge mall that I will explore on Sunday or the offices of the port and attached industry down at the sea. All the tall buildings are fashionable apartments. I think if I were to choose between living in Kona or Honolulu I would pick Kona for the Aloha there or maybe that small town near the southern most point. My girlfriend is moving today into her room at college and she hasn't called me all day but she says that she will call at 7:00 my time in Hawaii. We will see. I don't want to hear another word out of her in the future about me not calling her. I am ready to go home to familiar people and surroundings. I need to study for my philosophy test. That class has been pretty hard and I need to read one more dialogue before I can do it and I have to have it done by monday at 8:00 before I go home. When I get home it will be back to the gym, my traveling pants were fitting a bit tight today on the plane so I need to be getting back to the track and the machines. Fortunately I dont have class until 10:00 or 12:30 this year so I should be able to swing a workout before I head off to class and after the ROTC guys finish up. I don't think there is anything else going on. I'm watching the people in the lobby. Some guy has been sitting here for the past hour waiting for someone to fetch him, his roommate I guess. Meanwhile I'm waiting for my friend Johnny in Florida to give me a call back. I've been texting and leaving messages for people all the time but no one has been calling me back. Of course after last semester I can understand why. I will certainly be more careful this year and more controlled. Certainly more myself. I owe a few people apologies I suppose one of which I just sent off. I have got to find a way to smoke a cigarette....hmmm I will have to work on that! Our hotel room is small and cramped but improved from out last accomodation. There is a cute little restaurant and a little gift shop will all the needs inside. This hotel has a huge parking garage that is expensive, they charge for everything around here, its absurd! Anyway my girlfriend is calling so I had better go. Aloha!

Hawaii

2007-08-09T00:52:00.000-07:00

Well I just put up the pics on Facebook, I'll get to myspace eventually. I have two days to cover in a hurry because it is fucking hot down here and I want to get back to nice AC. Well on Tuesday I hung around the hotel. Went to the beach, got my facial done, and watched the AFL-CIO democrat debate. Yes, even on vacation politics follows me around. So I took notes and an article about it will be on Associated-Content or BNN soon. I found it quite interesting that Kucinich came out so strong and Hillary didn't let Obama go anywhere fast. I'm liking Kucinich, he knows he is an underdog and he certainly is working to get big labor on his side.

Now, about lava tubes and macademia nut factories. We finished up Hilo today with some lovely local restaurants serving great pizza. Mom and Dad bought a lot of stuff at the nut factory and I took a lot of pictures. We also stopped into Hilo Hatties and I got some stuff for the girlfriend. All in all we walked, and shoppped until we dropped but I got some great pics that will be on myspace tomorrow for your viewing enjoyment. Other than that I'm gonna peace out and pass out from Hawaii!